New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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