Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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