I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
