I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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