Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
