Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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