she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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