his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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