Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
