i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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