ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
