When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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