my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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