How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
