maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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