Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
