you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
