Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
