I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
