never play flip cup with pint glasses
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
