Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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