There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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