Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
