It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
