i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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