Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
