i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
