We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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