Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
