My liver just broke up with me...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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