Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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