Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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