Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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