i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
