Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
