sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
