i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
