oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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