I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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