I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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