Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
