How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
