Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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