No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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