Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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