I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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