i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
