some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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