i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
