Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
