We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
