I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
