I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
