Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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